Sunday, May 18, 2008

what changed ?

so, I guess i never really explained how we'd come to accept the fact that abacus has downs syndrome and how our opinions changed so rapidly.


i guess we decided that we were making decisions based on our own reactions to having a disability, and that decision was baseless, you can't know someone else unless you give up all knowledge of yourself, and then you are stranded without an external perspective, so the exercise is pointless.

We have no idea how Abacus will relate to the world she is in, and all we can do is offer her everything she needs.

and the learning will be reciprocal. and the experience will be one that few get. and we hope to experience the other too, oneday, maybe soon.

And also, few friends or family came to us with words of sorrow. Sometimes i wondered if they knew she had downs, but they did, they were just excited to see her, they didn't care, they asked a few questions here and there about it, but mainly they just loved her and thought she was cute, and they loved us and were happy for us.

A while back Danielle postulated whether there were a few words that could make someone cry, in the same way words can make you laugh. And it turns out there are. Near strangers and one time acquaintances have been brought to tears when we tell them, and I don't quite understand the reaction, whether they're crying for us or for her or for the uncertainty of life in general. Their eye's sparkle and they catch a lump in their throat, but are soon talking positively, whether it be a spiritual connection or just optimism, they don't reside too long in the empty half of the glass.

There are still pangs. Maybe there always will be, but this is who Abacus is, and she was never going to be anyone else.

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